My Story

From a young age I’ve had a way with words. My mom has always said I could talk my way out of a wet paper sack and she is probably right. To me, writing has been my form of escaping. If I was ever mad, stressed, sad, whatever, I knew if I wrote it all out, made it something physical, I could feel better. My favorite things to write out were my prayers. Whenever I really seriously pray hard for something I will write it out for God on paper. Even though I could easily pray to him, say my petition out loud, writing it seems to be the avenue I always use.

Maybe its because this is what God gifted with me with and He loves for us to use our gifts. Maybe it makes my prayer seem more real by being something I can physically hold in my hands. Maybe its a combination of both but either way, when I write something down it is truly coming from my heart.

Now, with that background into my love of writing I’ll give you my background into my testimony.

I grew up a preacher’s kid and I organize my life based on what church my Dad was pastoring at the time. First there was Harmony, this was before Dad was a “real” preacher and I was still a little kid. Next, the first church was New Hope Baptist in Elmer, LA. This church was where I first felt God’s call on my life and we were here for the rest of my elementary years. Then there was Mt. Moriah Baptist in Pitkin, LA. Here is where I strayed away from the purpose God had set for me and learned a lot of life lessons, these were my middle school and first two high school years. Currently, we’re at Mt. Hope Baptist in Oakdale, LA. At this church I have experienced a lot of loss but also a lot of love. This church saw me through my last two years of high school and all of my college years.

As you can see, I’ve always been in church. One thing you don’t really know unless you grow up a preacher’s kid is that church sometimes feels like just a job to you. You have to be there every time the doors are open, not because you want to be, but because you’re the pastor family and you need to be. When I was younger I loved church, as much as a kid can. Being inside those walls always felt special to me and I truly knew that I was where I belonged. However, as things go, the older I got the less enthused I was with life inside those walls and the more interested I became with life outside the walls. I began to chase everything opposite of how I was raised. I wanted to prove I was more than the preacher’s kid, more than a good girl who always listened, I wanted to be someone who didn’t have to answer to anyone.

One of the gifts God gave me was intelligence and knowledge. I love learning and simply knowing things. The problem with this is the more I learned, the more I thought I knew. I misunderstood knowledge for wisdom and I thought I had my little section of the world figured out. With that mindset I stopped listening to my parents, to my friends, and most importantly to God. I knew that I had me and I was going to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and exactly how I wanted. And I did. I lied and manipulated my way into a lot of situations no Christian has a right to be in, especially not a teenage Christian. I hurt my parents, betrayed my friends, and completely ignored God’s voice. But, I got everything I thought I wanted and more.

See, what the Devil leaves out when he’s tempting you with sin is the side effects of your sin. Sure, I got the thrill of disobeying, the exhilaration of doing what I wanted, even the recognition that I was grown up and the one in charge. I also got the emptiness in my heat, the numbness that comes when the Holy Spirit stops convicting you, and the pain that comes with looking into your parent’s eyes and knowing they didn’t recognize the girl sitting in front of them. I couldn’t stop though. I was hooked on being rebellious. I took the bad with the good because the good was amazing. I’m an adrenaline junkie without a doubt and sneaking around and lying was the ultimate rush for me, for a few fleeting moments.

Eventually though I hit my rock bottom. One day, I was writing a letter to God, like I did when I really needed an answer, and this time I was pleading for a literal answer. I was begging to hear His voice again because I hadn’t in so long. Then I realized what I was doing to my family and to myself. I was going down a path that would only end in heartbreak and I had left every person who cared about me and loved me behind. This realization set off a chain reaction in my life and I started working to move away from the me that had done all those things. I picked up my bible and started reading it again, I really got into God’s word and read what He had to say to me. I studied it and tried to draw as much as I could from it. During this time I came across the verse, John 3:30, “He must become greater; I must become less.” and those words hit me square between the eyes.

I needed to be less so He could be more. I needed to let go of what I wanted so He could take over my life and lead me in the direction He had planned for me, not the one I had for myself. Now, I’m not going to say I did that as easily as flipping a switch, because I didn’t, but over time I am learning to let God have His way. He knew who I was before I was ever born and he has a perfect plan for my life, me, Sadie Lee Johnson, and He wants so bad to use this life of mine to reach others and share His love with them. That’s exactly what I hope to do here, trust God and allow Him to do the leading so that He may become greater through the stories I share. It took me awhile to learn it, but I will forever be grateful that He doesn’t keep track of wrongs and loves me without fail or fault.